I was trying to come up with a topic for today’s post when a little drama popped up on my guild forums which inspired me. Everyone makes mistakes when they’re raiding, some are little, some are big, some are annoying, and some are so funny that the Gatorade you were drinking when it happened is now dripping off of your monitor. One of my guildies had a bad string of deaths lately, so of course there was some ball busting. Only problem, is she lacks the necessary equipment to be, um, busted.
Guys like to pick on each other. It’s our nature. We’ll say the most insulting things imaginable to our best friends, but it’s ok, because we also know that 99% of the time it’s a joke. Growing up as a guy you learn that the best thing to do is insult them right back, laugh about it and get on with things. Guys who don’t develop a thick skin, get picked on even more, and end up living in their parents basement well into their 30s, making lists of People To Kill. Women work a little differently. They’ll say some horrid shit about each other, but they do it when the other person isn’t around. Face to face, they’re all sweet and lovey dovey. See, men can be rude and crude, but women can be downright evil. Maybe I should stop here so my server doesn’t collapse under the weight of the hate mail I’m about to get.
The point of this however, is to point out to all you guys, that when you are dealing with women in World of Warcraft, most of you seem to have two settings:
- Slavish devotion to anyone who might just be a real live girl, which I will discuss in a future post.
- Treating them like one of the guys, including picking on them like they’re you’re 12 year old brother.
While some women like the first selection, very few of them like the second. Put yourself in their position. Imagine you are doing some activity where 90% of the people involved are women. Would you like if it they made fun of you. Wouldn’t that damage your self esteem just a little bit.
So try to find a middle ground. Don’t spend all your time in the game farming for her epic flying mount in the hopes that she’ll realize just how special you are. But at the same time, don’t make everything you say to her be negative. This isn’t 2nd grade. Knocking girls down at recess is not how a mature adult gets noticed. Instead be polite, compliment her, and throw in the occasional dig about how she keeps dying to spout. I mean, you don’t want her self esteem getting too high, then you’ll never have a chance with her.
4 responses so far ↓
1 Hope // Sep 21, 2008 at 8:05 pm
I have to say, I agree heartily with this post. And as a woman, I hate option number one and am amused by option number three. A middle ground would be….amazing.
2 Sleutel // Sep 22, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Don’t pull this patronizing bullshit. I give people lots of crap, and I expect to get plenty right back. Chivalry was a sop thrown to women when we were considered chattel–don’t do me any favors now because I have a second X chromosome instead of a Y.
How about just treating people the way they want to be treated? I.e., be “one of the guys,” whatever the hell that means, with people with an actual sense of humor, and lay off those who aren’t interested in a good, old-fashioned exchanged of barbed comments.
3 Beider // Sep 23, 2008 at 7:52 am
I have to agree with Sleutel on this one, treating people differently based on gender has never really worked nor will it ever really work.
In the end it comes down to the individual, while there are girls that might not handle verbal “criticism” as well as others. There are certainly those who would rather prefer to be treated as an equal instead of being patronized.
And on the other side you have guys who will break into tears faster than your average infant if you yell at them once.
While treating people the way they want to be treated sounds all good in theory it is almost impossible in practice since many times you do not actually know what the person prefers. They could be new in the guild or maybe they just don’t like to talk about themselves so you can’t really figure it out.
I think the most important part is that you treat everyone in your group equally, if someone gets their feelings hurt then too bad. If they really can’t handle it then perhaps they don’t fit into your raid group. The beautiful thing about WoW guilds is that there are almost unlimited alternatives and variations out there to pick from.
4 Anti-Haole // Oct 6, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Sorry, gotta agree with this one. Been playing wow for over a year now (please spare me the “omfg ive been playing for THREE!” rants) and if there is one thing Ive noticed, its that there are no girls in wow. There are only other players. To react in a different way to anyone claiming to be female only marks you as a mouth breather. Its W.o.W., not match.com.
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